Saturday, January 31, 2009
a little crazy
Talking with my oldest daughter tonight about our sense of self, how we identify ourselves. My youngest son lost his right index finger in a work accident 3 days ago, and I feel I have trivialized his loss, not because I truly feel it is "just a finger", but because I seem to think I should feel that way. He was taking it pretty well as he waited at the hospital to go into surgery, but he was really hoping they could save his finger. The next day he was disappointed they had taken it, but still okay. Then they changed the bandage and WHAM, the reality was more disturbing than he anticipated. A part of him was gone... forever. Not the real self, but still the manifestation of who he is was irrevocably alterred. I find myself exhausted trying to reconcile my own feelings, it must really suck for him. That finger puppet children's song keeps running through my head (the one sung to Frere Jaques), Where is pointer, where is pointer, here I am, Here I am.... Too absurd. So we are grieving, my children and I for the loss of Pointer.